I find myself in that dark abyss Cruel, malefic, and conscious I know not what I'm writing The purpose or the reason There's no escape route visible Clamouring for breath Screams muffled into whimpers My head hurts— A lot Oh it hurts, it hurts, it hurts I haven't seen love If it's meant to be seen I haven't felt love If it's meant to be felt I haven't tasted love If it's meant to be tasted What is love? I heard, the first glimpse into this rare jewel Is given by the primary caregivers I know not who they are Are they those two bodies— The ones screaming behind the screen The air heavy with a charge That doesn't feel positive Is this love? Then I have ample I see them while I play with Jojo and Mojo It's always those dramatic flailing of arms The crude expressions- theatrical They call me expressive Probably got it from my mother They call my articulation grave Probably got it from my father They see me debating on stage Say I have it in me- a gif...
I may be cursed
I sure am cursed- why question it
I swallowed both the pills
The blue and the pink
I am cursed in twos
Ed and Ele cursed me both
For they thought the other forgot
And now they look at me
With confusion, pity, and pride
I am purple- I am a bruise
I broke her spine to make my way through
I am my daddy's lil princess
I fight his authorial voice, trespass when I cannot
I am my mummy's lil warrior
I bruise their body and mind
I bruise their bones and brains
I bruise and bruise and bruise and bruise and bruise and bruise and bruise and bruise and bruise and bruise and-
I didn't intend to though
I didn't choose to become a demon
The death I once evaded
The death I once touched and escaped
The death I once mocked and cheered victorious
Is the death I want- need
I wanted her to tell me she'd choose me over the spine
I wanted him to tell me he'd choose me over his pride
I wanted to be told that I would be chosen over all
They couldn't even build the home
I was supposed to be nurtured in
They couldn't even be the couple
I was supposed to call mama and dada
They couldn't even be married
Let alone be my...
Here is my identity ambiguous
I am androgynous
I was the son wanting to replace the father
I was the daughter wanting to kill the mother
Now I want to kill them both
For even they are ambiguous
I know not which one is who
They both morphed into each other
Seamlessly blending- that's marriage
The most marital thing I have witnessed in twenty years
They haven't become 'like' each other—
They have become purple together
A grotesque and putrid mixture of everything vile
But also everything beautiful- the whatifs
I don't know where to seek for love
Whom to eliminate whom to own
I know not if I'm Ed or Ele
They could be a field of lavender, lilies, or wildflower
Instead they chose to be a bruise on my head
They didn't birth a demon
They created one
Meticulously clad in their lab coat
I sought for love from the duo
But they exhausted it what little they individually had
Trying to squeeze out from the other or
It simply evaporated in their await for the other
I wasn't supposed to be a child
But a bridge they could walk on towards each other
I have been trampled on
I am suspended over the wide rift of gushing waters
And I feel myself creaking and eroding
And I know not how long I can hold
I have no support
I have NO support
The waters never dried up
The tectonic plates never moved
The river stayed and the bridge decayed
And I'll soon fall into the roaring hungry blues
I know it in my heart.
The write-up might entail many mistakes. I do not have the heart to edit. They are just there.
Comments