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Behind locked doors and closed windows: 1

I find myself in that dark abyss Cruel, malefic, and conscious I know not what I'm writing The purpose or the reason There's no escape route visible Clamouring for breath Screams muffled into whimpers My head hurts— A lot Oh it hurts, it hurts, it hurts I haven't seen love If it's meant to be seen I haven't felt love If it's meant to be felt I haven't tasted love If it's meant to be tasted What is love? I heard, the first glimpse into this rare jewel Is given by the primary caregivers I know not who they are Are they those two bodies— The ones screaming behind the screen The air heavy with a charge That doesn't feel positive Is this love? Then I have ample I see them while I play with Jojo and Mojo It's always those dramatic flailing of arms The crude expressions- theatrical They call me expressive Probably got it from my mother They call my articulation grave Probably got it from my father They see me debating on stage Say I have it in me- a gif...
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Behind locked doors and closed windows: 1

I find myself in that dark abyss
Cruel, malefic, and conscious
I know not what I'm writing
The purpose or the reason
There's no escape route visible
Clamouring for breath
Screams muffled into whimpers
My head hurts—
A lot
Oh it hurts, it hurts, it hurts
I haven't seen love
If it's meant to be seen
I haven't felt love
If it's meant to be felt
I haven't tasted love
If it's meant to be tasted
What is love?
I heard, the first glimpse into this rare jewel
Is given by the primary caregivers
I know not who they are
Are they those two bodies—
The ones screaming behind the screen
The air heavy with a charge
That doesn't feel positive
Is this love?
Then I have ample
I see them while I play with Jojo and Mojo
It's always those dramatic flailing of arms
The crude expressions- theatrical
They call me expressive
Probably got it from my mother
They call my articulation grave
Probably got it from my father
They see me debating on stage
Say I have it in me- a gift
Definitely got it from my primary caregivers
Now I seek love
Blindly harping on the nearest available object
And call it love
I hold it, squeeze it, crush it
And cry when it breathes no more
And wonder what I did wrong
I don't even know what I'm looking for
I search for guides and tutorials
I search for "How to..?"
I have seen a billion videos
But none could guide me where to
I am feverish
I am tired
The first thing she cares about
Is about the non living
Than me-the living (or probably I am no more)
She cares more if the food is warm
Than me- I can die cold for all she cares
At least she has a warm morsel
To tease her oesophagus with
They ask in unison
Why does it bother you, it's not the first time-
We're fighting amongst each other- not with you
What am I to answer to that?
How to live?
Forget love, I'll survive without it
I have for twice a decade
Alone in this dark abyss
Clutching my knees to my chest
Tearing out follicles of my hair
Followed every how tos
They're all liars
THEY ALL LIED!


The write-up might entail many mistakes. I do not have the heart to edit. They are just there.

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